The Best Monster Dildo of 2024
When it comes to horny horrors, don’t hide from the monsters under your bed, invite them to come out and play! 2024 has been a delightfully demonic year for Monster Dildos with these sinfully scary sensations topping all the fantasy sex toy rundowns. From werewolf wangs to dragon dicks, 2024 has given up spooky spine-tinglers which are bound to be the stuff of naughty nightmares for endless nights to come.
For all the Monster Dildo maniacs who are looking to add some fiendishly fun toys to their collection, here are our picks for the best Monster Dildo of 2024. Get ready to scream and cream!
#1 The Glashtyn Chaos Monster Dildo
Straight in at number one comes the Glashtyn Chaos Monster Dildo and let us start by saying it is one of the most striking sex toys you will ever see. The Glashtyn is named after a mythical water horse from the ancient tales of the Manx people who historically lived on the Isle of Mann.
Like all the other toys in the Chaos range (see our number 2 pick below), the Glashtyn comes in a stunning red and metal-green colour scheme which almost resembles a camouflage pattern. But colours aside, it is the Glashtyn’s dimensions and details that have seen it named the best Monster Dildo of 2024.
The Glashtyn weighs in at 25.5cm in length and 6.9cm in diameter and is packed full of freakish features including a flat, ridged head, subtle knot, dual ribs and thick veins. However, what really has really got us excited is the spiked testicles at the base of the Glashtyn which look awesome and can provide pinpoint clitoral pleasure.
The Chaos collection has really taken the Monster Dildo bull by the horns and the Glashtyn is without doubt the jewel in its carnal crown!
#2 The Illuyanka Chaos Monster Dildo
Backing up the Glashtyn in a very close second place, is its beastly brother, the Illuyanka Chaos Monster Dildo. We have to admit, our office was almost split right down the middle on which of the two Chaos offerings should take the top spot but the Illuyanka just missed out.
The Illuyanka is named after a demonic dragon from Hittite legends and it truly is a ferocious fantasy specimen. The first thing you will notice is that the Illuyankia is massive - possibly the longest sex toy we have ever seen - measuring up at a frankly outrageous 44.5cm in length. It is a tentacle dildo by design but with dimensions that would make the most ferocious Kraken jealous. It has a super flexible shaft which is 5.5cm in diameter near the base and tapers gradually up to a sleek tip for deep penetration and targeted pleasure. The entirety of its surface is covered in the iconic tentacle dildo suckers which are designed for delicious internal rubdowns.
Like many toys in the Chaos collection, the Illuyanka has a unique base, in this case featuring two additional mini spiked tentacles to stimulate all your sensitive spots simultaneously.
#3 The Alastor Dark Ice Monster Ejaculating Dildo
The Alastor is our pick of the bunch from the Dark Ice Monster range which has one of the coolest colour schemes in the entire sex toy world. This gunmetal, red and purple powerhouse boasts a 23.9cm long shaft, a 6.1cm diameter and a 3cm wide head. It has a subtle knot near its base, straight crisscrossing ridges and unique circular details that look like the beast has been strapped up to keep it from running wild. These textures create fantastic friction as the toy slides in and out of every orifice.
The Alastor sits on a suction cup base with a beautiful pair of beastly balls for hands-free use. It is our favourite ejaculating dildo that has been released this year and comes with a voluminous internal reservoir in the shaft, a tube and syringe for filling and an easy-to-use pump for squirting.
#4 The Pandora Ovipositor With Pump
Paying tribute to the first woman ever created on the instructions of Zeus, the Pandora is an incredible Ovipositor Dildo, designed to make breeding fantasies come true. If you are new to Ovipositors, these are Monster Dildos which resemble the egg-laying appendages of insects or extraterrestrials and they have become massively popular in recent years.
The Pandora is, first and foremost, a seriously sizeable sex toy racking up a respectable 22.3cm in length and a HUGE 8.5cm in diameter at its widest point. Its entire surface is textured like a squirming tangle of veins beginning at a wide base and ending in an open head from which the eggs are released.
The Pandora comes with a collection of multi-coloured eggs as well as an integrated steel cock ring and the hand pump egg-laying mechanism. Ovipositor Dildos are without a doubt some of the weirdest and most wonderful Monster Dildos you can find and that’s why we just had to have one on this list!
#5 The Purple Dragon Claw
Of course, no Monster Dildo list would be complete if it didn’t have at least one Dragon Dildo but the Purple Dragon Claw is truly one of a kind. As its name suggests, it is shaped like an enormous dragon’s hand, complete with four scaly fingers, talons and armour plating. The Dragon Claw is 22cm from the wrist base to the tip of its talons and an obscene 7.3cm diameter at its widest point at the base of the hand.
It can be used for fisting, dragon wanking fantasies and just for a serious, serious stretch! It comes in a range of colours including purple, green and pink and is perhaps the most unique Monster Dildo of them all. A must-have collector’s item for every fantasy sex toy collection.
Final Thoughts
So forget the haunted houses and trick or treating; if you are hoping for a horny Halloween then dive into the dark side of desire. These top Monster Dildo picks are absolute bedroom beasts that are all about frights, delights and naughty nights! We hope this list has helped you choose your next Monster Dildo. Just remember: All the best sex toys go bump in the night!